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Almost half way through this full-time summer semester! Word to the wise…not really a smart idea, especially if you work full-time (or at all) and live with a chronic illness. I try not to let myself stop and ask questions…like can I make it though this week or month or ten weeks of classes? Am I crazy? Well obviously there is a little crazy in us all.

I just want to be finished (hopefully May 2012). I hate that I contemplate regularly if pursuing my masters degree was worth it (both in time and money). I mean, when I started (Fall 2009) I wasn’t planning a wedding or on having a family. I just figured it would be me and my fiance (husband at some point) and we would work and go about our daily lives. For some reason I just ruled out having children for the past 10+ years. I like babies. I like kids. I just never thought I would be healthy enough to be pregnant and take care of one myself.

But as the time has passed…I think I caught “baby fever.” Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel stronger or healthier. But I feel some want for “normalcy.” Yeah yeah. Is there really such a thing?? I’ve already missed out on so much (long-lasting friendships because I just can’t keep up, parties, travel, extra cash that now gets spent of co-pays and physical therapy) and I (with my fiance’s support) want a family of my own.

And why can’t I? I don’t even know if I can have children. I mean, I’ve spoken to my Rhuematologist and she said I should have no trouble with meds and will recommend a good OB…but I have that fear that maybe I can’t even get pregnant (I’ve never tried) because I have been on so many different kinds of medications since I was 3 years old. There really aren’t any studies on the effects the these types of meds have on the growing child, adolescent and young adult.

I am all for the holistic route and am easing myself into it once again, but I didn’t have that choice when I was younger. My parents and I just needed me to be well enough to go to school and have as “normal” a childhood. What’s done is done and now I need to look to my future. I am sure that I can have an impact positively on it. I’ve cut out gluten and have already noticed good things in my GI tract and (I think) my joints. I am jumping a little ahead of my self (maybe) as I don’t plan on even trying to get pregnant until at least another year or two. But…there is no harm in planning I guess.

I hope to gain more enlightenment on this subject as there is just not a whole lot of information out there (there has got to be a lot of mother’s with chronic illnesses right?). I will post some links that I have found to be useful in case any of you are wondering the same.

Again, there is nothing I can do but stay positive and educate myself. I have the support of an amazing man, a crazy family and a strong light inside me. If something goes “wrong” I (hope) I know I can find my way.

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