LiveLoveLaughRA

One (annoying) Day at a Time.

Posted on: June 15, 2011

So yesterday was a particully…annoying day. Annoying because there was so much going on, my body and mind could not get on the same page causing me to pretty much to throw the entire day out. Well, I wish I could have at least. I had an anxious feeling all day, it was Monday, the start of the week…full-time school, full time work, fathers day cards and gifts to get (during my lunch break? because I have no free time from 7:30am-11pm), getting gas (love that Jersey pumps it for you by LAW), scheduling time to see the place we plan to have our wedding at (not to mention our families nagging us about not spending enough time with them, when the next time we will visit CT is, and a hundred other questions because you know we are obviously on vacation out here and don’t work or go to school), not being able to take a second to breathe or engage in any interpersonal relationship leading my friends and co-workers to think I’m just a standoff-ish B (which has been a common theme my whole life).

I know, it’s technically my fault right? I signed up for full-time summer classes (in hopes that I would finish my degree early). I take the responsibility for getting all gifts no matter the occasion, I work full-time because I like to buy things (the health insurance coverage is just an added bonus, right?), I choose to start planning our wedding (that we’ve waited over 5 years for because our families are dysfunctional and we don’t live very close to them) during the most stressful time of my academic/working life so far. And I just can’t take 5 mins out of my day to sit and talk with a co-worker about how rough her day has been because I have four mid-term papers due at once, and actual work to be done while at my job (because the phone calls keep coming, the emails don’t stop and the demands just keep growing because I don’t have time to complain, therefore people think I’m handling it all just fine)! Of course getting gas is just an annoyance on its own, I mean there is no convenient location for me to go and when I’m stuck in traffic, the 5 mins I allotted myself for the task is gone which gives me anxiety in its own.

Hey…its Tuesday already. I made it past Monday (again). Tomorrow is Wednesday. One day at a time.  I keep telling myself to breathe while I’m driving or rushing from one class assignment to the next. I try to repeat over and over to take it one day at a time. I made it thus far right? I know tomorrow is not guaranteed and life is short.

The constant pain I am in reminds me of that, as well as the loss of friends, opportunities and experiences. I try not to dwell on this but sometimes I am just caught, maybe by a song, a comment or a smell. I get teary-eyed, I cry, I weep, I scream out loud.

And then, the moment passes and I am on to the next moment that needs my attention.

In reading other blogs written by those effected by RA, I see a common theme. We all pick ourselves up, sometimes with and sometimes without the help of others, and we continue on with our lives. There are people depending on us, even if it is a “cyber-friend” or pet. When one day feels like it is sucking everything out of you and your body and mind aren’t functioning together, remember tomorrow is a new day with the possibility of good and bad things happening.

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