Infusion day

Posted on: May 13, 2011

Man, I am not having a great day. I am in a lot of pain everywhere. Days like this make me feel like I can’t have the life I want to have. Why does this happen to me?

I’m due for my orencia infusion. It scares me that my body seems to know that it’s time. I NEED the medicine. I actually even took some ibuprofen today. I rarely take anything additional. It’s like I like to prove to myself I don’t need it. Like I’m normal and can make it through the day with not additional meds. And when I swallow an ibuprofen or muscle relaxer or other pain reliever I feel so defeated.

I’m sitting in the hospital and just feel tears welling in my eyes. My day isn’t even done, I have class downtown later. Of course I put up my defense mechanisms and act like I’m fine. Pain on a scale from 1 to 10?? I said 7. I don’t know what that means. A 7?

Today I just want to curl up and cry. If that’s me feeling sorry for myself then so be it. But I don’t. I’m just going to go to class tonight and get up for work tomorrow morning. I’m working towards my goals and just have to push through this pain.

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